The Exchange:
So, tonight, a friend's status was about a possible 2012 presidential candidate.
First comment is a non-committal agreement.
I was second. I offered up a casual but firm disagreement.
Friend laughingly states a rebuttal.
I state a piece of information that supports my previous disagreement.
Friend concedes the point, as my information was factual, but states another reason she likes said candidate, a sound bite of rhetoric that's exited the blowhole of every presidential candidate since I started paying attention in the year 2000.
A man, likely an older relative, made a rude statement, calling me ignorant for not sharing his political beliefs. It was deceptively kindly worded, so as to trick the reader into not realizing they'd been insulted.
I replied that Friend's reason was something stated in every election cycle, and then that Relative ought not call strangers ignorant. That it was rude, and did not look good on him.
Friend deletes my comment.
I reply "You deleted my comment? Coward. Enjoy your brainwashing." then unfriended her.
I understand that it's awkward as hell when friends and family clash on Facebook. My personal policy has always been to watch the discussion, whether I participate or not, for anyone being rude and/or unfair. If things got out of hand, I'd delete the status, but I've never had to do this. A different former friend of mine called one of my family members out on a homophobic statement. In fact, on a completely different post, 5 of my friends called out a family member for homophobia. There have been some heated debates, but everyone on my friends list has played (mostly) fair so far. In fact, I've even directed friends/family to rude comments made on my status, just because I knew they'd have something hilarious or awesome to say about it. I don't expect everyone I know to agree on all subjects at all times. It's not possible to not discuss politics so I dive right in, for the most part. I feel that people should be free to openly disagree with one another. The vast majority of my friends are smart, witty, and opinionated. These are traits I adore in my loved ones. The prevailing unspoken code seems to be one of respect.
A person who feels it's ok for a relative to insult a friend for no good reason, then cosign that bullshit is not a friend. I don't care how "respected" this person is, or how old, I'm not going to just accept their insults. Just...no. I'm an adult. Your relative? I wouldn't know them if they kicked me in the ass. There's a tiny-ass picture and a name. Respect is earned. And if you don't instigate drama, there's no reason to feel badly about calling out an insult. Period. Some people are bullies. Some of them don't know any other way to be, so they get old, bitter, and hateful. Shit happens. I'm too old myself to tolerate a bully, or to silently acquiesce.
So tell me, ye who do not suck, what is your policy on friend vs. family verbal projectiles on Facebook? No seriously. Write it in the comments, anon if you don't feel like registering/signing in/having your name associated with your feelings on the subject. Even if all you have to say is "ignore it." I want as many opinions as possible on this.
Kthanx.
ps - Yeah, fighting on the internet, stupid, whatevs. Humor me.
Hey lady!
ReplyDeleteFor the most part all my FB friends play nice in the sandbox. But there is one particular dude who will pipe in his 2 cents occasionally about the rare political wall posts I make. This man is my mother's friend and is merely tolerated by the rest of the family (in fact, even my own mother nicknamed the fellow "Hemorrhoid"!) He is the worst for posting stuff that is super offensive to me (right-wing, anti-abortionist propaganda). But I keep my mouth shut about that stuff - after all that's HIS corner of cyberspace. He has the right to be an idiot over that way.
But when his right-ist twatwafflry spills over to MY corner of cyberspace, I usually shut him down with a firm, yet polite reminder along the lines of: 'If I want his opinion I will beat it out of you.' That usually sends him whimpering back to his corner of the sandbox.
Yeah, if I bothered to be annoyed by every bit of right-wing fear-mongering bullshit that splatters itself across my monitor, I'd probably have to cut either peeing or fooling with my hair entirely out of my daily routine, and that wouldn't do at all. I think that when you personally insult a stranger, though, it's like sticking your arm into a bag of snakes...you may get the baby garter snake the first few times, but eventually, you're gonna draw back a rattler.
ReplyDeleteWell, one friend of Dan's ended up getting the business end of my temper smack in his face when he extrapolated a spanish breastfeeding doll to somehow mean something about american politics. He swiftly unfriended all of us. The only time I ever removed a post is when my ex from 10 years ago decided to get insulting.. about annie lenox lyrics. So I guess that pretty much sums it up. Don't start a fight that you can't finish, and don't get insulting or I'll kick you out of my sandbox. The end.
ReplyDeleteA lot of my husband's ex-wife's family friended us on facebook, which is not a problem, he's been friends with some of them for years (some of them he knew in the Navy before he met and married his now ex-wife). When his step-son and wife were having problems and ended up divorcing, people were taking sides, fighting on fb about, etc. I made the comment that it took 2 to make a marriage and it took 2 to break a marriage, there was fault on both sides, and I was going to stay friends with both of them for the sake of their kids, who call my husband Grandpa. I was read the riot act over that, so instead of unfriending everyone, I just made it so I don't see any of what they post. If they comment civilly on something I post on my wall, fine, I leave it up. But if they get nasty, I delete their comment with no comment of my own and they can make of it what they will. So far, none of them have had the nerve to call me out on it, not that it would do them any good. As for my family, the less said about them, the better. And my friends and I very seldom have disagreements that degenerate into name-calling and nastiness or rudeness. In fact, I can't recall that ever happening on facebook with friends.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a big long fucking thing and Blogger ate it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I agree with you. Well played.
I think it's hilarious reading about all the things others have gotten deleted for. I have faced deletions over Lady Gaga and Pregnant Barbie (once the deleter, once the deletee).
ReplyDeletemy policy in general is that people say what they want to say. If it gets out of hand I might mention being civil, but really it isn't me against or for one person and not all my friends and family will always get along as long as they at the very least are civil, I am happy. If they aren't I would say something and probably tell them to take it to their own journals if they want to be that way. I don't delete posts either as what is said is said deal with it.
ReplyDeleteI haven't ever really had to deal with it too much though as I don't post often as I know a lot of my family members don't agree with a lot of stuff like politics or religion (my mom especially) and so in general I try not to post anything too inflammatory knowing that it is a social place and I do have an audience, so just like in social situations, I curb some of the stuff that I would say or post.
I let'em roll, as long as they are not abusive. You've seen how I do. Put my hair up in a bun, glasses on my stern nose and somehow, people come to understandings. I dig it.
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD MY CAPTCHA: funstains
ReplyDeleteBWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Your policy is pretty my the same as mine with one exception: I don't friend my family on FB except for my sister because she's rad.
ReplyDelete