Yesterday, I made amends with a friend I'd been fighting with for the better part of two months. We got the yuck out of our systems, talked about things like grown-ups, then spent the evening hanging out like no time had passed. That's the mark of a good friend, dears. You get the hell over it. Forgiveness is hard, and forgetting? Well, forget it. But moving on is truly where grace lies.
So it's that time of year where enough of it has passed to look back and make broad, sweeping judgments about it. This was a bad year for friendship, sadly. A good year for personal growth, but a horrific year for friendship. I can't hold myself blameless. My fault mostly lies in the "not just saying what you feel, when you feel it" department, vis a vis my proclivity to befriend people, then help them, and not speak up when the first signs of my good nature being shat upon appear.
That's what it always boils down to in my life, folks taking enormous dumps on my good nature. It's always the people I try to give a hand up that suddenly decide I'm a heinous bitch for whatever reason. I don't think I want anyone besides my husband to live with me ever again. Those are the worst slaps in the face. I've got two rooms in my home trashed right now because clearly, asking for rent after MONTHS of saying we're having financial issues is just rude, and expecting to use one's own living room before midnight when there's no less than 3 other places in the house to sleep and clearly, headphones do not exist is downright unreasonable. The really shitty thing is, I don't merit talking to about these things. Nope. Let's just leave our shit all willy-nilly and fuck off and shit talk the only person who was willing to help in your hour of need.
I'm done with shitty people, y'all. Just done. I'm up to something like 6? 8? people that crested the top of my shit list and rolled off the other side in 2011. Folks I thought were good friends and good people. Is it just me? Does this happen to anyone else when you lend someone a hand? Maybe it's just misdirected stress and anger. I'm here, and thus, an easy target. Makes sense, but it doesn't make it right. I'm kind, and thus, a mark. THAT is fucked up.
And, to make up for all the shittyness of this post, here is Scotti-cat in a hoodie.
Onwards and upwards. Bigger and better. Good things are coming to me. I can already feel it.
Hooray for new posts! Love Scotty cat in a hoodie, but he does not look happy. Ha-ha! Cannot wait to see more writing from you, doll. Miss your voice.
ReplyDelete*SIGH* You know how I feel about those people of little, and I mean shamefully lacking in, integrity. Not only that but it's that friend who does something self-destructive.. you can only help as much as they want to receive and/or change themselves. When I had asked Nancy to come out to Arizona, she said no initially. Too many family members had taken advantage of her and trashed her place from top to bottom. I didn't do anything else, though, but accept her answer, get over the butthurt and then try to find another avenue. That is what made her take a chance on me I think, the fact that I didn't push it, or make her feel she was responsible for my passing/failing into the next chapter of my life there. I know the Rawls House foundation has graffitti all over the walls right now, and that pisses me right the FUCK off, but I like what you said about "not just saying what you feel, when you feel it" because this is how people aren't allowed to make excuses for treading on your good nature, and keeps them accountable, and focused on expectations. It hurts so bad to lose friends. I love you.
ReplyDelete