I don't like to do a lot of whining on here, but damn it, I'm frustrated as hell and I feel like shit.
The "scary new symptoms" I mentioned in passing last post? Well, here's the deal. About a week ago, my migraines found a rather terrifying new way to manifest. Full-body electric shocks, loss of equilibrium, dizziness, cold sweats, feeling like I'm going to black out (thankfully, I haven't actually blacked out yet), and nausea of varying degrees. Once the nausea passes (with or without holding on to the bumper of my car, desperately trying to avoid puking in my own driveway), the pain sets in like blunt force trauma.
The two worst episodes have both occurred in "big box" stores (Wal-Mart and Hobby Lobby, respectively). Maybe it's the lighting. The loud people. The loud SMELLS. Both times, I've managed to take some of the emergency meds I keep in my purse at all times and get leveled out enough to go through the check-out line and drive home after spending some quality time with the bench next to the bathroom. Thankfully, Krystal has been with me both times. She's awesome at keeping me calm and running down the list of migraine triggers to make sure I've covered as many bases as possible (recent eating--I'm hypoglycemic, meds taken, etc.), and Generally Handling All The Things. Brandell has also been awesome at making sure I eat even when I don't want to, picking up my slack on errands, fetching ice packs and my pill box, and hooking me up with lots of massage to unknot my neck and shoulders. Between my husband and my fake girlfriend, I do pretty well for the shape I'm in. Even Ryan gives a pretty killer head/neck/shoulder massage. My little family is amazing.
Obviously, I fucking hate this shit. Eight days of this shit just...coming and going at its leisure. I can't imagine a much worse time for it. Between my rabid promotions of Fatkinism and the business project I've found myself balls-deep in that's likely to launch in the next couple weeks, I have so much to do. And closer to home, Krystal's birthday party at the springs is tomorrow, and Thursday we're driving up to Clarkesville, GA to spend the weekend with the fam and my long-lost Aunt Linda. I'm functional as long as the pain level is 7 or lower, but I need this to stop. To just go away. To let me fucking live my life. I was so overjoyed when I was first diagnosed and treated. I felt so much better, like I could do pretty much anything. Three months later, the status is NOT quo, and I feel like I'm right back where I started, except that now I eat pills for breakfast. Something's got to fucking give.
I just got a wild hair and looked up all the day spas in Valdosta, found the perfect one, started dialing the number and realized--I have a dinner to go to in two hours, and I'll be busy all day tomorrow with Krystal's birthday and packing for the weekend.
I guess relief will have to wait.
Alright, you can take off your hats, pity party's over.
Just keep breathing! Focused breaths have helped me through some immense pains. And massage! Stress is bad for everyone though. You gotta take it easy on yourself, too! I will be sending happy thoughts to ya! <3
ReplyDeleteThanks, hon! <3 After some thought, I decided that getting a massage and actually feeling decent for all the stuff I have to do and just being late to the dinner was the best plan. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have made it at all if I hadn't gotten the massage. It helped SO MUCH, and even though my neck is sore as hell from all the whalloping last night, I feel a million times better. I'm going to start going once a month. Ari, my therapist, had the pain stopped in the first five minutes. Ah-mazing.
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